To Begin…

I sometimes get into my own head. When I say sometimes, I mean all the time – often – perpetually. When things are going right, I know something will happen to change it. When things are going badly, it will always stay that way. I’m not sure whether I am a pessimist at heart, but at times it sure feels that way. Even with all the people in my life supporting me, I see “friends” and become envious and hurt when they hang out without me. It’s dumb and childish. I know that these “friends” aren’t friends at all and that I have MUCH better ones. So what makes me the way I am? It’s probably because of the way I was treated when I was much younger. Yes, another sad sob story about a girl who was bullied. True. From the moment I moved to my house with my parents in 1995/1996, I was always the outcast, the outsider. All the kids in elementary school treated me like the freak. Why? Because of my asymmetrical eyes. A minor detail at most now, but in elementary school apparently it was a humongous issue. The blindness and smallness of my right eye was always the topic of discussion in school. I’d be called “cyclops”, “freak”, “one-eyed monster”, etc. Daily. No one helped me, no one backed me up. I had no friends. I remember walking down the block of my school, walking home, when two of the “popular girls” grabbed my back-pack, pulled me toward them, and repeated to me over and over that I was nothing, that I was a freak and no one cared about me. I remember having a birthday party at home and having one of those “popular” girls come to my home with her mother, and her MOTHER telling my mom that they came “because we knew no one else would show up.” I remember having a bunch of boys in school relentlessly tormenting me daily, including throwing ice balls at me during the winter. I remember hanging out at the bus stop on the first day of school with a girl I’d hung out with all summer, only to have her completely ignore me and then taunt me when other kids started showing up. There are a bunch more, but why bother to bring those other moments up? All I know that from grade 1 to grade 7, I had no one to count on but my family. I learned quickly that the ONLY people you could count on was your family. My parents were always a foundation of strength for me, as well as my grandmother. She was the greatest source of love I’ve ever encountered. I am truly grateful for them. I learned that everyone is an acquaintance until they prove their worthiness to you. Family will always be by your side, through good and bad.

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