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I had a fantastic time growing up. Why? All thanks to my parents. They always have been my fiercest advocates. I’ve grown up knowing what life should be. Their expectations of me were never more than I could accomplish, and I think that’s the biggest reason that I am now a successful and well-rounded young adult. While other kids were playing in the park, we had our own pool. While other kids were going to Florida to spend time with their grandparents, uncles, aunts, etc., I was sent to Switzerland and Hungary to spend my time with family. I was always extremely lucky to have the experiences I did growing up. I feel that it gave me a cosmopolitan view of the world. I had the opportunity to become who I am today because of my parents. I cannot thank them enough.

So what’s with the above photo? Well, since I have “left the nest” and gotten married, I feel more weighed down than anything. I look back on old photos and cannot believe how much time has passed me by. So many times, I am not even sure where all the time went. I’m not able to recall what I’ve done in those days/minutes/hours/weeks/months/years that have passed. Pictures are my friend and my enemy. They are bittersweet reminders of the past. I know you’re supposed to look back on old times and feel happy…although I think the best explanation of that bittersweet feeling is from Inside Out. Most memories are tinged with sadness because they are moments in life that you will never get back or experience again. I definitely feel that way about a lot of my past.

Time does not travel faster than a day at a time, but those days seem to flow away like the ocean retreating from the sand. I try to live my life to fullest, however, I don’t feel as if I am nowadays. What I imagined for my life is a far cry from what I received. Man plans, God laughs. Each day that passes seems to me like wasted time. When I am at work, I feel like I am wasting my life away for money that I don’t get to use for fun things, but instead for bills. When I am home, I sit in front of the television watching shows about people I don’t know, doing things that are much more interesting than my day-to-day. When I go out, I don’t want that time to end because it feels like the most I’ll be able to do all week due to employment and other responsibilities. I realize that maybe I am not normal, that maybe my brain chemistry is off kilter and I might need to go see a psychiatrist…but I don’t want to be medicated into a stupor – not knowing what I am doing and when for the rest of my life. Talk about wasting time. If it were up to me, I’d always be traveling. There is nothing more enjoyable to me than travel. Seeing new places, eating new foods, meeting new people. That would be my living life to the fullest experience. Time travels on and we can’t be stagnant, we need to move and change and enjoy our lives. We all need to live our lives to the fullest because we all only get one.

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Generalize

There are certain things that I do not tolerate. One of these things is generalizing people. Yes, we all have the urge to generalize, but we must fight it. Why? Well, we have to fight it because if we do not, we regress in thought processes. With all the political nonsense at this time, we have to remember that people are people. We have to remember that whether you’re a Democrat, a Republican, an Independent, etc., it doesn’t matter! We all have our own opinions and views on things and what one person of the same party believes may not be what the other does. It’s so asinine to lump everyone into one generalized group. I recently (very recently) got into it with an ex-friend (not my choice) who completely grouped everyone together. I explained to her – nicely – that generalizing people is neither correct, nor intelligent. She kept coming at me about how then no one should generalize her and her people then. Fair point, however, fighting fire with fire doesn’t work and nobody wins. Needless to say, she didn’t like that I am a stickler for not generalizing and all and apparently, we are no longer friends. That’s okay. We all make choices in our life, and for her, being right was more important than being my friend.

Go Speak to Someone Today…

I started my new job yesterday. I’ll be doing Home Care Nursing in Pennsylvania – a far cry from New York City. These first two days were orientation days; lots of general information about the organization, policies, corporate compliance, blah blah blah. Typical orientation things. We got to sit in groups at circular tables. The people I sat with were amusing, personable, and intelligent. Three very nice people. One will be a Patient Care Assistant, another a Customer Service Representative, and the last will be doing what I will be, but in a different area of Pennsylvania. The other RN is a male nurse, adorable, big blue eyes, nice smile, the whole bit. Out of all of the others, I had some great conversations with him. I am so awkward around men usually, but the conversations were intelligent and fun. It was much needed. Now, reader, don’t get me wrong – there definitely is no love connection or whatever you might be thinking. My real point in singling him out is that we were able to talk. To communicate. It is so difficult at times to speak with others, to find a topic and to roll with it – at least for me. A lot of times that happens with my own husband.

I remember when we first started dating…we would have conversations about anything and everything. We would laugh, cry, enjoy our time together. We would stay on the phone until 3 A.M. and then play the “you hang up first” game. Now, I rarely have a topic to speak about and so does he. Don’t get me wrong, we do speak, but I feel like it has most definitely dwindled. I’ll ask him to start a conversation and he will tell me that I should…because I never do. Really? In general, I am not a big talker. I’d rather listen most of the time and hear what is going on with others rather than speak and possibly make a fool of myself. This should come as no surprise to my husband, as we’ve been together for 7 years. I miss the way it was. It was carefree and lighthearted and fun. Everything seems to have been dragged down by ill will, bad feelings, stress, work, etc. It upsets me to no end. I wish I could get the spark back. Sometimes I wonder what happened – like I don’t already know.

Communication is so important. In relationships, at work, with friends, family, and literally every aspect of everyone’s life. Either physical or verbal. It is IMPORTANT. The problem with most relationships is that communication is lacking. Without it, how would anyone know your emotions? Your likes? Dislikes? Loves? History? Present? Future plans? Goals? Anything? They wouldn’t. Without communication, life would be extremely boring. I wish more people would understand that. By “talking it out” so many problems could be resolved or avoided, so much understanding could be wrought, so much hate could be diminished.

 

Go speak to someone today.
And really listen.
They might need it.

 

 

Friends

What do you think of when you reminisce?
Are they happy memories? Sad? Indifferent/bittersweet?
For me, I think my memories are mainly melancholy with tinges of sweetness.
Remembering all the friends I had and then realizing that most of those friends are no longer around for you. The people you had so many plans with – tattoos, vacations, weddings, bachelorette parties, etc. – now are complete strangers. Remember that person you hung out with almost daily? You took the train or bus to see them to just watch television, play Rock Band, talk about anything and everything…then one day everything changed. You guys were no longer friends, barely even spoke, and then finally let each other know that you were no longer best friends, even though it killed you. This story is far too real and familiar to me. I’ve lost so many best friends that I no longer know who to trust. The worst part? I miss each and every one of them. I see their posts on Facebook and am happy for their lives and successes, but then feel as though I should have been there…I should still be in their lives…I should still be best friends with them. I know it’s silly, but it is so difficult to find friends like that once you are older. Cherish your friends, especially your best friends. Please do.